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Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

They once tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man actually ate a Indian.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sued NBC because they stole the names Law and Order, also known as his right and left leg.

Since Chuck Norris was born, round house kick related deaths have jumped 13,000%.

In Street Fighter 2, the makers put Chuck Norris in the game. They insisted that there was a glitch because the only thing that he would do was Round House Kick. When asked about this, Chuck Norris replied; "There is no glitch"

Chuck Norris NEVER had to be "at least this tall" to ride on the rides

when Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he refuses the needle and requests a handgun and a bucket instead

Chuck Norris can make the kessel run in under 2 parsecs

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night

When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
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-I found these in the weirdest place...a banker's forum...Researching the Bank Secrecy Act takes you to some strange places.

Paul